Ask, don’t Tell.

A simple tool in having good, wholesome relationships with co-workers and peers is merely to ask a question. To illustrate this, I’ll relay a quick story from work today.

It was 9:30 AM on a rainy Saturday morning, and I had just clocked in at the coffee shop. A lesbian couple was approaching the counter, looking to place an order for some delicious, hot coffee, and my co-worker, let’s call her Jane, looks at me and says, “Don’t take their order. I want to.” Now, out of context that could sound off. But, I know Jane, and I knew that deep down, she was just excited to meet other lesbians like herself, and to chat for a bit. So, as any good employee would, I greeted the guests and informed them that someone would be right with them.
A minute later, Jane approaches the counter, greets the guests, and says, “Mike didn’t take your order because I told him not to, because I wanted to.”

And that statement got under my skin.

Now, whether she is right or wrong, there are much better ways to approach this scenario. Jane and I are friends, so I let it slide. But the fact of the matter is if she had merely replaced “told” with “asked,” then everyone would have been happy. The guests would not have known the difference, except that it would have sounded much more colloquial, and I would have been happy with it as it was, what I perceived to be, the more accurate account. To me, Jane’s initial declaration, to not take their order, was not a demand at all, but a request. My job was to collect their order, so when Jane expressed that she wanted to, it was an ask of me, with which I was happy to comply.
What Jane, also, failed to realize is that by saying I was “told” not to, she is eliminating my goodwill. I let her take their order because I knew she wanted to. I did it for her as a good co-worker and as a friend. I also knew that the guests would experience a more pleasant transaction as Jane was the more enthusiastic of the two of us. Needless to say, this transpired without a bat of an eye, and Jane and I continued our day, except that I was given something to ponder.

My thought is this, give people ownership of anything they do that is good and noteworthy, and whenever possible, do your best to paint others in a good light.