3 Steps to Handle Bad Days
3 simple steps to stay positive when your day is looking like a disaster
What do we do on days when everything is going wrong?
You know, those days that we all have — where you wake up and you just feel off. Where you can’t seem to find the motivation to get to work. It’s a struggle to make coffee, to brush your teeth, to get out of bed.
If you’re anything like me then these are the days that you also forget to put your mug under the Keurig as you press start on your coffee and walk away — only to discover your mistake as you hear it dripping onto your tile floor. Or the days when you trip and spill your coffee on yourself, and you can’t help but think, “Why do I spill my coffee only on the days I wear white?!”
If you’re anything like me then chances are these are also the days that you need to fill your gas tank on the way to work (“way to work?” Ha — Remember those days? What even is an office anymore?), and when your tire pressure is low. Those are the days when nothing seems to go right and it's a constant bombardment of bad things, one after another. After another. And another.
THOSE days — What do you do on those days?
Well, for starters, I can tell you two things — I’ve handled these days with the utmost grace, and the utmost disgrace, and the older I get the more grateful I handle them.
As a teenager and a young adult, I used to stress out, lash out, and get angry on these days. I would be on edge all day — peering over my shoulder, waiting for the next disaster to occur.
I never had insecurities or cared if people were talking about me — except on those days. On those, I thought the world was out to get me and I behaved like a starved, wild animal. Thinking only of myself. Constantly on guard. Defensive. Paranoid.
Now — if all I said was to not live these days as my younger self did, that would be enough. Because there is not one thing I used to do right.
How do I handle these days now — today?
Now that’s a different story. It’s night and day from my younger self.
Back then I was defensive, focused on myself, constantly on edge. Now, I am as I am every day, grateful, inspired, and anticipating the next “best thing” to happen.
On days when everything seems to be going bad — when Murphy’s law is in full effect and everything and anything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong. On those days there are a few simple steps to break the loop.
Take a step back and detach
Take a second to step back and detach — When something goes wrong like this, it is so easy to let yourself fall into a downward spiral and start self-actualizing all the bad things we see. It’s as simple as confirmation biases. We see one bad thing happen and we let that singular instance alter our perspective of the day.
Once our perspective is altered we no longer see the day as full of opportunity for good — but bad. Then, our confirmation bias kicks in and we start to create that reality.
You think a coworker is mad at you, so you look over to check on them and see if you’re right. And there they are sitting in their corner, working away, “ignoring you” as your mind tells you. So you let that get to you and you scowl over at them a few times over the course of the next few minutes. Seething — knowing — just knowing, that you are right and they are being petty with you.
What you don’t know is that they are handling a very important client and haven’t had the chance to look up from their work in the last 2 hours. What you don’t know is that as you came through the door this morning, angry and bitter because you spilled coffee on your shirt, you barged right by them scowling and muttering under your breath about some “GD asshole on the road,” ignoring their very pleasant and comforting “good morning.”
To stop all this — it's really simple. Merely detach. Take a moment as you clean up your coffee to realize that just because one bad thing happened doesn’t mean more will. Take a second and inhale and be grateful. Be grateful for the fact that you have coffee to spill, a job to be rushing to. Be grateful and step outside of yourself.
Step outside of yourself and focus on someone else
Step outside of yourself and focus on someone else — As humans we have a natural tendency to shut off, to close up, whenever something wrong happens. We feel threatened, so we cross our arms and assume a defensive stance. We feel annoyed so we slouch over and glare at our keyboard.
We tend to forget that our body posture and movements greatly affect our mood and our outlook through the release of chemicals in our brain. For this reason, some claim that we should do the “superman” pose for 2 minutes before an interview, and others that we ought to stand up straight with our shoulders back. I’ve tried both and can confirm that they work (trust me, I felt like an idiot trialing the superman, hands-on-hips, pose.)
But both of these are true and when we get defensive and close off our posture we turn inwards and only focus on ourselves.
Now, I don’t know about you, but I am happiest when I am serving others — when I am helping. Contributing. This won't happen when you are only focused on yourself. So take a minute and think about how, in that moment, you can serve others.
As a practice, whenever something wrong happens in my life I ask myself, “How do those around me see me and what sort of example am I giving?”
Now I’ve seen everything. As a child, when I would upset my dad and interfere or cause something bad to happen, I would expect a backlash, of unequal and opposite force against me. If I accidentally knocked over the piece of wood he was working on, I knew to turn and run because he would yell at me, chase me, and try to kick me.
Sure — that’s an unpleasant memory, and no kid should endure that, but what it taught me was that no matter what happens, you have the opportunity to lead with dignity and grace and do the right thing.
How this applies is simply stepping outside of yourself, and realize that who you fall to in these moments shows your true character.
We like to think that we will “rise to our expectations,” but the truth of the matter is, “we fall to our standards.”
So cut all this off, and next time something bad happens, take a moment to focus on those around you and see how you can help them. Do this without ego and you’ll never have another bad day.
Smile
Smile — Is it cheesy (like the smile I have on my face right now)? You bet it is — but it's also true.
Whenever something unfortunate happens, be grateful and smile because it just gave you the opportunity to practice one form of virtue or another. Smile because you’ve detached and focused on someone else. Smile because smiles are contagious and once you see others smiling back, you can’t help but be happy. (This is all said with the caveat that you can let your ego go, which must be the case in order for you to detach)
This isn’t a long list, nor is it overly complicated. In fact, it’s rather straightforward and simple, but that’s the beauty of it. Simplicity is the key to success.
Next time you see your day start to spiral out of control when you feel that negative momentum start to build…
Take a breath and detach,
Look outside of yourself,
And smile.
We’re all just trying to be the best versions of ourselves possible.
